Slippers

Michael rarely leaves me alone due to the first while i needed 24 hour care but I'm up and at em so he has left me a few time for a half hour to hour. Last night he went to dinner with his daughter who he hasn't seen in a while so he was gone for about 4 hours. I was doing great spending a wonderful mother daughter night with Sid. We were just about to end the night with her brushing her teeth and giving Michael a good night call. She was brushing and I went down stairs to grab a water before bed. I some how managed to fall down 4-5 stairs and land on hard on my behind. Sidney comes running around the corner with fear of mom are you ok? I gathered my self and was able to get up. Sidney is the cutest thing! First thing she does, calls Michael to tell on me! He's trained her well. I was having some tingling but it went away a short while after. Today my a** bone hurts and my neck is a little sore but we are going strong still.
I am wanting to get back to a normal work schedule and get my body use to all the walking i do at work. So me and Michael went to the gym today and i walked a whole mile! LOL Things are starting to get better. I'm not constantly sleeping and I'm able to go all day with out any sorts of pill concoctions. At night is my usual pill dosage when i need something for sleep and pain. I've even stopped taking the second dose in the middle of the night. I feel things are starting to improve health wise. House and other things are a little different situation. Any who...
Michael has been a wreck since my fall and has called just about everyone to tattle on me! So the story is don't wear slippers going down the stairs!

Doctor Update

I went to the doctor last Wednesday and he told me some good news that i didn't really want to hear. I don't have to have surgery but i get to wear this great neck brace for another 6 weeks. My questions to him were all about when can i go to work and when am i all healed like a normal person. He did release me to light duty which i haven't heard from my employer yet but i wasn't injured on the job so they have no obligation to do light duty for me. He took my brace off to see if i could turn my neck and i was unable to do so because of fear and pain. We left the office with an exact 6 week appt. I was down, but Michael asked me what i thought he was going to tell me. I wasn't sure maybe that i was miraculously healed and i could take my brace off and go to work! He's right i should be thankful i don't have to have surgery and that i am walking, breathing and alive. I guess i can handle another 6 weeks at which point he told me we would either take my brace off completely or slowly remove it. He said i will definitely need physical therapy. I have babied one side of my neck and so my x-rays show my neck curved.
I have my times where i am annoyed to hear people say that's good you don't have to have surgery and are so joyful. These people have no idea what it is like to be in this brace. I went from supporting my family working 50-60 hours a weeks to someone who couldn't even shower or turn over by them selves. I am not one to ask for help nor am i to rely on someone. I know i should be grateful which i am, just frustrated at times.
The weeks are counting down and I'm loving the time with my family. So i'm not sure what else i will have to write on my neck injury since it's now just a waiting healing game for a bit. I will count with you all until April 29th.

Down Days

When you have been ill in some way and you have been thrown off the normal track of life for such a period of time a depression sets in. The last two days have been very rough for me. I can't even explain all the feelings I'm going through right now. I physically and emotional have hit bottom. I now know what my patients go through when they just break out into tears for any ol reason. There becomes a time when things start to become stagnant. Michael has done his best at keeping me occupied but for some reason the last two days all i have done is just slept or listened to music and cried. The independence i once had and was very proud of has all gone away. I'm still very dependent on others for many things. The boredom and the ability to not do things on my own or at all are getting to me. I feel like my life is so unstable with my job, Michael not working, this house being sold, and deciding to buy a house or wait out to see what happens to this house. My life seems to be crumbling little bits at a time. I'm trying my hardest to stay busy but i get tired easy, either pain or nauseated, and bored. I haven't really dealt much with a depressed state like this so i'm not sure what to even do with my self. I feel foolish for even crying over what seems like something i would normally stand tall to. Anyways enough about my ridiculous emotions. physically i'm doing better step by step. I'm going longer periods of time with out pain pills and slowly starting to do things for my self. I am so grateful Michael has been off work because i couldn't have done it without him. He really keeps me going and we still laugh at the moments we share every day. He truly keeps me focused and has given me great hope in these last two days. I have really enjoyed my time at home with the kids as well, before my injury I was working at least 50 hours a week so my time was limited with them. I am humbled by all that is going on and remind myself all this is happening for a reason.

It's been a few days!

I'm actually a little more mobile these days and I can go in the car more. It has helped with the feeling of being cooped up and bored. The first long drive was to bountiful to my work which i got very sick in the car. BUT i didn't throw up. I now don't just lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling. I get up every day and walk carefully around and sit in the front room with everyone else. I do spend most of my time in my room due to the fact we have everything set up so that i can reach it all. I'm starting to be able to get up and down by myself on certain sides of the bed and chair. The left part of my neck is much weaker. Michael is able to get more things done and isn't running his tail off. He is still my drill sargent nurse who watches over me like a hawk. I look forward to march 17 everyday. I so badly want to go to work! I've been over doing it the last few days. So then in the morning i am so stiff i can't get out of bed. I am feeling so lucky to be alive and not paralyzed. But the irritation of not being able to do everything i want and getting so tired so easily is frustrating. Not only all the medical things going on but the irate things with this house is almost scarier. I know that this will make me stronger and my relationship with michael is even closer. i hope together we can make it through this struggle that we have been faced with. We have been in happy spirits and laugh at the simplest things every day. We are so appreciative to the family and friends who help do that.